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What Does God Say About My Future Spouse?

June 24, 2007

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” MATTHEW 6:33 KJV


 The first level of attraction that people experience is physical attraction.  All of your senses are involved.  Your eyes are attracted to the body. Your ears are attracted to someone’s voice and laughter.  You nose is attracted to a person’s fragrance.  You are attracted to someone’s touch.  Does this leave a good taste in your mouth or not?

If anyone of these senses leaves a bad taste in your mouth, it deteriorates the chance of a good relationship based on your first encounter.  Physical attraction is based on the outside.  You base this mostly on gut-feelings, without much thought.


Character attraction is based on the inside.  What is one person’s character like?  Are they close to God?  Are they a “Church-Only” Christian?  (This is someone who is only a Christian in the middle of a church service).  Do they have integrity?  Will they do what they say they will do?  Do they stand by their beliefs, even when tempted? Character attraction requires more thought and is based on inward emotions.  This is more difficult to understand and we often get the wrong impression.  Is this person good looking in God’s eyes and not just our own physical eyes?

Tommy Nelson asked this unique question: “Nothing is more discouraging for a woman than to be married to a man whom she discovers later she would not want as a waiter.  Would you want your man as a your waiter at your table?”

Is beauty only skin deep?  Keeping ones beauty on the outside is a losing battle that we fight until we die.  Physical beauty will peak and then slowly deteriorate over time.  Character beauty can forever be enhanced and grow throughout our life.  It cannot be taken away by age, by an accident, or by eating too much or too little.  Your character does not have to get wrinkled.  You don’t have to touch up your character with makeup, face-lifts, or spa treatments.

With both attractions, if you don’t like what you see… work on it.  Everyone’s bodies and character has to start somewhere.  If your character is ugly, ask God to work on your heart.  Read the Word of God.  Get the Bible inside of you.  God loves to answer this prayer request!  However, just like working out to get into shape is hard, so is getting your character into shape.  God will allow you to be in situations where your patience will be tested, your thoughts will be tested, and you will be pushed out of your comfort zone.

Whoever said becoming a Christian would make all of your problems goes away, was an outright liar.  BECOMING a Christian was easy.  You just asked God for forgiveness of your sins and accepted that Jesus died for those sins.  It was just that easy!  However, BEING a Christian will be difficult.  God’s views seem to always be backwards from the world’s views.   We are to love our enemies, pray for those who are mean to us, give in order to be blessed, serve in order to lead, and die so that we may live.  Character development will be the most difficult thing we do in life, but the benefits will stay with us throughout eternity.

The best spouse you can have is someone who is also working on his or her character.  This is someone who is walking with the Lord everyday.  One who has a close relationship with God and not just on Sunday.  Someone who doesn’t just go to Church occasionally or who just says that they believe in God.  This would be someone where there is FRUIT to their words and actions.  Would someone express shock if they were told that your boyfriend or girlfriend was a Christian?  Get this straight right now… if someone who had a relationship with God, who IS love, walks in a lukewarm manner, then think how they will treat YOU, a fallen sinner with problems?  Did they start out loving God with full passion and energy and then slowly dissolve into occasional talks and half-hearted commitment?  Then, that’s how they will treat YOU.  They will start out full of energy and passion, and after awhile, they will slowly treat you as another piece of furniture.

Choose now to be attracted to someone that is walking in faith with the Lord.  It is actually a choice.  If you feel that you can only be attracted to a gorgeous man who doesn’t walk with the Lord, ask God to change your heart.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” MATTHEW 6:33 KJV

God says that He knows the numbers of hairs on your head and knew you in your mother’s womb.  Do you think God has an idea of what you like in a spouse?  He might even know what’s better for you than YOU do.  Think of all the people that you have gone out with.  As Dr. Phil would say, “How’s that working for you?”

 “Well God knows that I like tall women, so He better give me someone tall!”  Let’s go back to Matthew 6:33… “Seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of God…”  Are you seeking first the Kingdom of God, or are you first seeking tall women?  “Well can’t I have both?”  That’s not my question.  Are you seeking FIRST the Kingdom of God?  This is not seeking first the kingdom of God AND tall women.  It has to be to seek God FIRST.  God has nothing against beautiful tall women, but He does have something against you going after that before seeking Him.

CHOOSE to be attracted to a person living for God and who is not ashamed of letting people know that they love God.  Choose to be with someone who has FRUIT in their lives from walking with the Lord. 

Working with a Christian Singles group, I will occasionally encounter a young man with all of the right words.  He can be a smooth talker, quoting Scriptures and all the right things to a woman.  However, there is no evidence of fruit in his life.  He has all the right words, but nothing to back it up.  He is a religious, empty talker.  He is a vacant lot.

Look at the fruit and shut up!  I will hear a girl say to one of these guys, “Oh, I like a man who reads the Bible.”  “Oh, IT JUST SO HAPPENS that I read the Bible.”  “I like a man who is nice to his mother.”  “Oh, IT JUST SO HAPPENS that I am very, very nice to my mother.”  “I like a man who does… such and such.”  “Oh, IT JUST SO HAPPENS that I do such and such.”

SHUT UP!  Look at their fruit and listen to them.  Don’t reveal everything that is on your own “MUST HAVE” list.  If you reveal that list (and I know you have one), the con artists will magically have every quality on that list… at least for right now.  You might find yourself married to a con artist and someone that you would not want, even as a waiter.

If you listen to someone, they will eventually reveal their real self. 

“For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” LUKE 6:45 NKJV

Trust God to reveal a spouse to you.  Start praying today that He will send to you His choice for a spouse and to make it plain to you the person that He desires for you to spend time with and to marry.  Do you really want what YOU want or do you really want what GOD wants?  If they happen to be the same, then extra whip cream for you.  If they happen to be slightly different, would you still want God’s will for you?

Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God.  Jesus had refers to the church as the Bride.  Let’s look at some quailties that Jesus had and see if we can apply that to our future spouse.


Even top leaders should have a servant’s heart.  In God’s Kingdom, we are to serve in order to lead.  You really do not want to be with someone who is selfish and who is only out for themselves.  Think about living with this person for fifty years.  You want to be someone who gives of themselves, offers assistance, and someone that will go that second mile.  That person will be more understanding with you and give you more grace when you mess things up.

I have noticed that people in the Church will grow quicker and more effectively when they serve in the church in someway.  I have noticed lukewarm Christians who have joined their Church’s parking lot team, ushers, altar call team, and camera crew and then just GROW as quickly as possible.  They start turning into fired-up Christians and are quick to spread their faith to others.  God can use a servant’s heart. 

Christine Cain works in the famous Hillsong Church in Australia.  She is a gifted speaker who has touched the lives of many teenagers and adults.  When she is not the main speaker, she helps stack chairs after meetings.  She even takes out the trash.  She has a servant’s heart, even after being a featured speaker in huge conferences. Look for someone that has a servant’s heart. 


Eventually, everyone goes through a stressful time.  How they react to this is the best way to see where they are on their character walk.  When times are tough, how do they react?  How do they talk?  How do they handle things when they do not get their way?  Are they angry, sulky, or bitter?  Do they throw things, hit people, curse or demean?  If they do, CHOOSE to be unattracted to that person.  Every person will be stressed at one time or another and we will all react badly at one time or another.  Does that person show growth from one point of time to another?  Is that person still reacting badly to a similar situation two years later?  Has a person learned when they do mess up?  Are they teachable?

Ask other Christians what their gut-feeling towards that person is.  What kind of reputation do they have?  What kind of reputation do they have with people that they have dated in the past?  What kind of reputation do they have with their walk with the Lord?  Would you want to bring this person to meet your mother?  Your grandmother?  Would you mind other people in church seeing you two together.  Would God mind if the two of you were together? 

How does that person react to authority?  We are all accountable to someone and are all under authority to something or someone.  If they cannot react well to authority, then they may have a problem with reacting towards God.

After seeking first the Kingdom of God, make up your mind what you would not settle less for in a spouse.  If you are seeking first the Kingdom of God, your answers may have more to do with what is on the inside than the outside.  First seek God, pray about it,  and then make up your mind. DON’T EVER SETTLE FOR LESS!

Example:  “He must love the Lord with all of his heart, all of his mind and all of his soul.  He is teachable with a servant’s heart and is filled with integrity, honesty, and morality.  He seeks out God in all matters and desires to be more like Christ.  He yields to authority and rules justly to those under his authority.  He has a good reputation to those in the Church and those outside of the Church.  He reacts well under stress and quickly learns from his mistakes.  He trusts God with all of his heart.”

Whatever it is, don’t settle for less.  Don’t find someone that the enemy WILL put into your path for you to fix up.  SEEK YE FIRST the Kingdom of God, and THEN all of these things will be added onto you. 

(C) 2007 Tracy Young

Dating Questions for Christian Singles
What Makes A Successful Date?
God Told Me

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Diana Knowlton permalink
    July 28, 2007 8:01 pm

    Tracy: I’m a licensed clinical counselor, point being you can imagine I’ve read mountains of literature thoughout my schooling. Your article is succinct and poignient. It is well written in that one is not able to make excuses because you are honest and truthful about skin-deep v/s character. It’s refreshing to read in a world that pushes external perfection more then ever because of technology. You’ve also confirmed for me that the man I’ve been seeing is indeed lukewarm and the hurt he has caused me with his wandering eye is not for me. Thank you!

  2. David permalink
    December 25, 2008 4:05 pm

    hello, i was blessed by your work but i also want you to join me in prayers concerning my spouse.

  3. Sasha permalink
    March 20, 2009 1:45 am

    Would you mind if I posted some of your blogs on myspace as Devotionals? You are anointed. People need to read what the Spirit is using you to reveal.

  4. charmaine permalink
    August 15, 2009 2:48 pm


    i pray lord that alex my boyfriend will love me forever. Let alex come to me lord i pray.

    thank u

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