Single Fast Food

A single friend in our Church is having a birthday. I decided to try to get a few other Christian singles together to honor the birthday at a restaurant. The Church seemed to be the perfect opportunity to accomplish this lofty goal. I caught a friend at the bottom of the stairs in between services.

“You know who is having a birthday this next weekend. I thought we would get together at Red Lobster to honor their birthday.”

“Well, here’s the thing. We can not have it on Friday, because Friday is my last day of my forty day fast. How about Saturday?”

“Okay,” I replied. “Saturday would be great. I think I can get everyone to go on Saturday.”

Susie came up on the tail end of the conversation. “Are you talking about having our little birthday get together on Saturday? This is going to be great!”

“So, are you going to join us at Red Lobster this Saturday?” I asked enthusiastically.

“Red Lobster?” Susie sneered. “Heavens no, not Red Lobster! I am in the middle of my ‘No Fish’ fast and Red Lobster is NOT the place for me. How about steak at Saltgrass?”

“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “We can go to Saltgrass.”

Jenny hopped off the last step and slid into our conversation. “So, when is our birthday celebration going to happen?”

I said, “I think it will be Saturday at Saltgra…”

“No-no-no! Not Saturday! We have to do it on Sunday! Saturday is the last day of my “Liquid Only” fast. We MUST do it on Sunday!”

“Liquid only fast?” I asked.

“Yes… to honor God when he saved Jonah from the ocean. For the past few weeks, I have only drank liquids.”

Susie jumped in, “Hey! Jonah is the reason that I am almost done with my “No Fish” fast! Isn’t that crazy?”

I started to say ‘Yes’ out loud, but I caught myself.

“Well…” John spoke up and startled me, because I had not noticed him listening in. “To honor God, I am having a ‘Only Fish and Loaves’ fast, because He fed all of those people. We HAVE to go to a place that has fish and bread.”

Jill spoke as she was still walking towards us, “Well… —I— am in the middle of a ‘Daniel’ fast. I ONLY eat fruits and vegetables to honor God when Daniel only ate fruits and vegetables.”

“So, ” I uttered under my breath. “A steak place is out of the question?”

“It certainly is!” Jill said as she poked her index finger into my upper arm, on each word.

I backed up and massaged my sore arm. “Okay! No steak places. Where do you think our birthday guest of honor would like to go?”

Jill was still pointing at me, “It doesn’t matter to me…. as long as it isn’t steaks!”

I massaged my arm some more. “How about a buffet type of place?”

They all shook their heads at once in agreement. Jill put her finger down. I massaged my arm some more.

“That’s a good idea,” said Lucille behind me. “However, we can’t do it Sunday because that is the day that I start my ‘No Entertainment’ fast, and I can not be entertained in any way for forty days.

I spoke before I could bite my tongue, “No entertainment? What do you consider entertainment?”

Lucille said, “Anything that might make me enjoy myself at anytime. I going to do that to honor God.”

“Do you like music?” I asked.

“Of course, but it would be entertaining. I will not listen to music for forty days.”

I looked puzzled. “What about Church? Church has music in it.”

Lucille’s eyes veered to the ground. “Well… I guess in order to honor God for forty days, I will not be coming to Church these next few weeks.”

“Is the Bible entertaining?” I asked sarcastically, hoping that Lucille would see the obvious.

“Well… I guess in order to honor God, I will not read the Bible either.”

“Well…” John spoke up and startled me again. I had already forgotten about him again. “How about you arrive at Church during the sermon part and leave before the altar call?”

Lucille looked at him with hope in her eyes. “What about the Bible part?”

John said, “Well, for forty days, only read the ‘Begats’ part. That is NOT entertaining to me.”

Lucille looked at John joyfully.

I could not take this any longer, so I started walking up the stairs to go to the service. “Well, it’s a good thing that Communion happens to be on ALL of our fasts, because we are having it today.” I was half way up the stairs when I noticed that I was not being followed. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Communion?” Lucille sheepishly asked. “Well, I guess to honor God, I am going home and not attend Church.”

“Me too,” Jill said.

“I think I should go home, too.”

Our little group broke up and started to exit the Church.

I yelled out, “Come on, guys! Do you really think communion breaks our fasts? Come on back here! Guys! Guys?”

I am not sure why I keep trying. I think that it is impossible to get a bunch of Christian singles to eat together where all of the fasts do not conflict.

Have YOU ever tried?

SINGLE FAST FOOD
(C) 2006 Tracy Young